common sense for most...

i just finished reading 'the last lecture' by randy pausch.  it serves as a way for pausch to leave a sort of legacy and life guidelines for his three small children.  much of the book lends great no-nonsense common sense advice like: 'tell the truth' and 'never give up' and 'dream big'.  

no piece of advice struck me as hard as one he wrote on the subject of parenting.  he writes, 'i also think my dad would be reminding me that kids-more than anything else-need to know their parents love them'.  

as an adoptee, i know my adoptive mother loves me - at least as much as she is able...but what about my birth parents?  did they ever love me?  i will never know.

i have read that the first two years in a child's life are the most impressionable.  i like to think that since i was adopted as an older child (almost 5) that my first two years were spent with my biological family (who of course in my fantasy memory loved me as much as any other child is loved), but because i was so young i have no memory at all of my life before adoption.  how does one live without knowing if they were welcomed into the world with love?  

there is a good chance that i was truly loved as a young child, but i don't know that for sure.  there's also a good chance i spent the first few years of my life in an orphanage...

this line from pausch's book has stayed with me for the last couple weeks.  i'm trying my best not to dwell on it.