where the wine lives

my husband and i moved to napa last october.  we were excited to leave the din of the city and embrace the wide open spaces and natural vistas wine country has to offer.  wine country is every bit as beautiful as we expected it to be, though a few things have taken me by surprise.

as someone who has lived her adult life in urban environments, i wasn't hesitant to move to wine country.  i mean, what could change so much just one hour outside of the city? (aside from the scenery, population, and the lack of 'ethnic' food restaurants...oh how i need some good thai food and maybe a steamed pork bun).

turns out a lot can change in one hour.  

having lived in a city where i saw dozens of asian people daily, i realize i miss seeing those faces.  i miss blending into the background.  i miss people taking for granted that english is my first language.  now, i'm 'lucky' to see one asian face in a sea of caucasian and latino ones.  and, when i do see that face, i often get a surprised look and a smile that seems to say, 'whoa!  another asian person!! welcome to the club'.  

it's almost like i'm back in the town i grew up in (it was also predominantly caucasian and latino due to the local ag biz), but this time i'm so much more aware of who i am and how the world sees me.  when i was little, like so many transracial/transnational adoptees, i really didn't see myself as different from my adopted caucasian family.  my whole world was white, so i must have been white, too.  sounds funny now - obviously i knew on some level i was different.  i mean, kids teased me ALL THE TIME about my slanty eyes, my skin color, and small size, even spewing (what they thought to be) asian sounding words at me, and yet i continued to convince myself i was white and did everything possible to fit in.    

anyway, up here 'where the wine lives', people see me as a foreigner.  they speak to me slowly, using lots of hand gestures, making sure i see their faces and understand what they are saying.  a few have even been so brazen to ask if i speak english.  in the city, i could wander free as an anonymous person, but here, i feel eyes on me everywhere i go.  i know i don't look like the average napa resident - i stick out.  

i get it.  

but i don't have to like it.

i wonder if i'll ever get used to it...